Down to four

I was checking the calendar today and realized I am in the home stretch in the countdown to LA! The weeks have flown by and the more I think of the things left to do before I leave, the more the butterflies in my belly swirl around. There is the memorizing of my piece which is about 50% done. Then there is the very important wardrobe. Sadly, I have little to no direction with this and I am certainly not a fashionista. Anyone looking for a reason to go to California? Desperately seeking makeup and wardrobe artists! Finally, I need to nail down what is happening with my kids for the nearly 3 weeks I am gone. That is about 75% covered. I have never been away this long. It has been 10 years since I have been away from my husband for that length of time. Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Or will he realize the peace that comes from not having a crazy lady share his bed? The separation will be tough, but I am looking at it as a pilgrimage of sorts. I am at a point in my life where things are changing. I am beginning to see what is really important in this thing called LIFE and to have some time just for me to reflect on it is exactly what the head doctor ordered. Thanks for all the support!

"Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said." ~Author Unknown

I need some guidelines...

Last night a friend was in from out of town and brought with her the movie "Grease" for us all to watch - kids included. I remember watching the film as a child of 8 or 9 and loving it! It has great music, funny scenes, attractive people, etc. What more could you want from a movie? As a MOM though, it took on a whole new look...

While we were singing along to the song "Greased Lightening", and the words "she's a real pussy wagon" were sung, I stopped. Stopped dead in my tracks and looked around. 7 kids and 2 adults (well, 1 adult since I stopped to contemplate) were singing along, dancing like there was no tomorrow, and loving every minute of it. Was I the only one who heard the p-word? How could I have heard that song hundreds of times, sang along fully knowing the words, and not questioned if it was appropriate for my daughter and son to hear? Did my parents think it was no big deal for me to hear it as a kid? I know that isn't the case because I clearly remember listening to "Like a Virgin" with my mother one day in the car and singing along. I loved the song not because of the lyrics, but because it was Madonna. In the mid-eighties she was the closest to God I knew of! My mom looked over at me and said, "Do you know what that means?" I said "No", and continued singing my little heart out. As I grew I didn't go out and have lots of random sex with many men due to hearing the word "virgin". I also know that "Do Me" by Bel Biv Devoe didn't cause me to go out and DO anyone.

Being a parent and trying to discern what is appropriate is tough. Before kids I was very open with my talk and what I watched. I could discuss any subject just about anywhere, anytime. Even after my kids were born I slide a curse word in here and there - they didn't know any better, right? I'd would discuss most things in their presence because in my mind kids don't listen anyway, right? Then the repeating started and I began to see that kids do listen; especially when you don't want them to! I recall Lilly being 4 or 5 and while Sam would nap I would catch "Days of Our Lives". She would sit dutifully by my side and watch Sami, Austin, John, and Marlena live it up in fictitious Salem. She named her Barbie dolls after these characters and one Easter after receiving 2 new Barbies and 1 Ken doll she created a scene in which she narrated, "this girl was married to the guy but he didn't like her anymore and so he is gonna go and live with the other girl..." Needless to say that was the end of soap operas in our home.

I know we have a responsibility to protect our children and we need to monitor what they see and hear. However, where is that fine line between keeping them safe and driving them to be sneaky to see and do what they want to? I try to be open and honest with my kids - answering any questions they have on pretty much any subject. I just know that each day the world we live in pushes the envelope when it comes to taking away childhood bit by bit. It's my responsibility to know what my kids are up to as much as possible and do my duty as a parent to make sure they are safe. I am taking each day at a time, but God help me when my daughter asks me the next time we listen to "Greased Lightening", "Mommy? What is a pussy wagon?"

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

Ever?

The older my kids get the more I wonder when I won't worry so much! It started the second they were born. Maybe it's just me, but mothering is filled with worry. In the beginning, it's did they poop? What color was it? What's the consistency? How much are they eating? Do the whites of their eyes look yellow to you? Should I take them out of the house yet? Did you wash your hands before you touched them? And on and on and on... The older my kids get the harder it is! For me it was having less control over them and their surroundings. Letting them out from under my "wing" - I guess I am the Mother Hen! I just thought it would be easier.

These thoughts were prompted while my daughter spent yesterday at a nearby amusement park with a friend and her parents. Relinquishing control of her - even for a day - was so hard. What was she eating? Was she washing her hands before eating? Did she feel OK after all those stomach-twisting rides? I picked up the phone at least 3 times to call and then thought the better of it. If she needed me she would call. So she did. She was fine and having fun. Obviously, I have issues with control and anxiety. Nothing new to me, but it all took on a different meaning when children entered the picture. I look towards the future and see more sleepovers, dates, dances, summer camp - I can barely breathe! I once asked my mother when you stop worrying and start sleeping again through the night. Her simple response? "I still worry about you!" I guess it's just part of the job title "MOM" and truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way.

What the heck is going on??

I am finally into "Breaking Dawn" - the final installment of the Twilight Saga. I am lost, confused, but continually intrigued... Update soon!

Got one?

As I was sitting enjoying some multibran flax flakes for breakfast (yum!), I saw on the box a definition for the word hero. They say the dictionary definition of the word hero is: "a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal." I sat back comtemplating the word hero in my life. Heroes to our grandparents were WWII soldiers and world leaders who stood up against the axis of evil. To our parents there were astronauts who walked on the moon, and young dynamic politicians who gave hope of a brighter tommorrow. To my age group, the start of the Gen Xers, we had Michael Jordan and Madonna. And that is where it began going downhill... To look at who kids call heroes today is frankly, sad. The media promotes people to the level of hero that are nothing more than lost souls who can't find direction and blindly lead children, and many adults, down the same path. I look towards my children's futures and wonder who will be left to look up to. The older I get the more I focus on heroes from my personal surroundings - NOT the media. I see my father. My mother. My grandmother. People who made a direct deposit into my life throughout a span of years and shaped me into the person I am today. There is no harm in respecting a media personality, celebrity, or politician for a stand they take, but I can't call them heroes. Take a look at your life and the people who have come and gone... Who are the heroes in your life?