fear not my child

I am just one week away from the adventure of a lifetime. I am really feeling excited about the show and I am spending time getting everything together. The cupboards are full, as is the refrigerator. Certainly no one will go hungry in my absence. I have chosen my wardrobe and the appropriate accessories. My hair is colored and my eyebrows are waxed. Nearly everything is ready...
Everything but me. As days pass, and my departure approaches, the more anxious I become. I feel like no one can really understand how I am feeling. Few mothers leave their children for 3 weeks. The only ones I can think of are mothers in the armed services who leave their children to defend our freedom. My role in a show hardly compares. I feel selfish and guilty. I feel like I am abandoning my kids for my own personal wants. These feelings beg the question: WHY? Why as mothers are we expected to forget ourselves? Why can we not feel personal fulfillment separate from making wholesome meals for our families and perfectly folding load upon load of laundry? This internal strife I am experiencing is hard. I am not sleeping well and I am frustrated. Not good things to occur before you leave your loved ones! I want them to miss me not thank God the minute I get on that plane!
My plan is to pray. This is my only medication currently for these anxious feelings. I pray when I get feelings of wanting to control. I pray when the frustrations well up inside and I feel I might explode. I pray when I can't sleep. I pray that there will be a purpose to my leaving for this length of time - that I may touch another life with my story. I pray that I am not making a mistake. And you know, when I listen really hard, and all is quiet; I hear it. That voice that has come to me in all my times of trouble and it calms me. His voice. He tells me it will be okay and that fear is real, but unnecessary. He will see me through.