Group Therapy

Last night were the rehearsals for the show. At first, it was quite strange meeting all these women who had simply been names on a computer screen for the last 3 months. We are all ages, coming from very different backgrounds. The cast filed into the Electric Lodge theater at 7pm and took our seats in the audience. The seats are cushioned black folding chairs arranged stadium style on a handmade platform. The entire room is painted black. The "stage" is not a stage, but an extension of the first row as to create a more intimate feel. and that is exactly what it did. Initially, the thought of being so close to the crowd was intimidating, to say the least. Most of the performers have experience in the entertainment industry - I am NOT one of them. We said our hellos, gave scripts to the director, signed waivers, and got the tour of the facility. Once I had heard that I was one of the only ladies having not done something in "the business" I instantly felt tiny. What the hell was I thinking trying to compete with these people? Then we began. The lights dimmed, the music turned up and I decided to stop worrying and just see what happened.

I love when a group of women get together and are honest. Real. I had no idea that last night was the one thing above all others that I needed to feel normal again. My piece is on postpartum depression. I have, in recent years, begun sharing my experience more and more . Through therapy I came to understand that talking and sharing is healing. In every woman's piece last night I saw myself. Every story was different, but they all somehow connected with me. I heard about feminism, colic, sick kids, challenged kids, placentas, having a past, getting frustrated, being sad, staying home, splitting time, accidents, sex, and LOVE. I laughed, I cried. I was so scared that I would not possibly be good enough. I was scared that mine was too serious. Too crazy. I was scared that I had no training, no stage presence. When I walked down for my turn I was so nervous. What if they just did not like me? As I began my monologue I began to calm and just tell my story. It was my story and it was all true and I did it. I shared myself with a room of sixteen people and it was freeing. They laughed with me, they felt my sadness. It was the best night of therapy, and besides the flight, wardrobe, and food money it was completely free! Thursday night will be the dress rehearsal and then Saturday is the day. I am so blessed to be part of this. Touching others, but especially women who maybe have never heard the real shit of motherhood. Maybe there will be a man who thought his wife is the only woman who feels like this. Maybe a single man or woman will see that motherhood is not easy. Maybe someone who never understood their own mom will. Maybe someone will think before they judge a book by its cover. This show needs to go nationwide. Really. We all need to see that moms are gifts from God and that even though moms make mistakes they still need to feel appreciated and need to be able share their stories.